Eyes Wide -[Shut]- &Seth&

[Sam Evans]

"Listen/To the song here in my heart/A melody I start/But can't complete/Listen, to the sound from deep within/It's only beginning/To find release."

"Listen/I am alone at a crossroads/I'm not at home, in my own home/And I've tried and tried/To say whats on my mind/You should have known."
- - -

"Third theater on the right. Enjoy your show."

Sam sighed, waiting for the next round of movie-goers to come along so he could do the same thing over and over again: rip the ticket, direct them to their theater and wish them a pleasant show. This was his first job. And while he was pretty new to Lima, his job at the cinema was already tedious and boring. The perks of free popcorn and free movies were nice. He tried his best to be nice and overly bright to the costumers, but most of the time they didn't respond. So it seemed that his job was just a place where he had way too much time to think. Most of the time, it was nothing more than a way to get out of the house. Which, he was ever so grateful for.

Home was not a fun concept for the Evans's family. While they pretended to be the perfect american family, all clean and proper, they were anything but the perfect image they clung onto with all their might. Sam had given up on this dream a while ago. A calm family life was something that was practically impossible. His parents were always bickering and his sister hated all of them. Even in the calm moments, the house was tense with unspoken truths. Laura refused to talk to any of them. Sam was gay. Jessica was possibly bulimic and obsessed with popularity. His parents were both workaholics and distant while the two of them were constantly bickering. Misery was heavy in the air, almost palpable. You could see it in his mother's eyes, in his father's sighs, in the slamming of doors and the raised voices. It was a welcome relief to get away from it all.

Lately, his mind was full of a choice he had to make. He could come out to everyone. He could admit it and quit football. He could invest himself into music and be honest with his family about how he really was. It would take strength. He would loose some friends and possibly some of his family. But, it would be a relief to not hide anymore. On the other hand, he could become unpopular in school. He could be shunned and alienated. He was lonely enough as it was, without being made fun of and judged. Besides the fact that his parents would hate him for it. Especially his father.

"Sam. You're on concession stand register."

Sam sighed a little and offered his replacement a small smile as he walked over to the concession stand. He stuck his hands in his pockets as a group of preteen girls passed by, all giggling. One offered a small wave as she stared at him flirtatiously. He tried to smile, but it ended up more like a half-grimace. Not that the girls really cared. He had learned at a young age that girls found him attractive. He dealt with it as best he could and tried to ignore it. But, it was something he had to come to grips with. If only he could get the same sex, he thought with a bit of bitterness.

He took his place behind the counter and took a heavy breath. He leaned over the counter, putting his elbows on the table and setting his head in his hands, waiting for some needy costumer who wanted a refill or a bigger bucket of popcorn.

Tag: Seth
Song: Us- Regina Spektor
Notes:

[seth hall]

I’d always spent extra time with my sister than most siblings did. But then again, most brothers didn’t have that constant fear of cancer taking their sister’s lives, which I supposed justified my actions, and hell, when did wanting to hang out with your family end up being a crime? Probably about four years ago when I was supposed to enter that “get out of the house” stage, but really, I had a perfect balance of a social life to where I didn’t really feel like I was being smothered. My parents were both loving and respective, and I had a charming sister who I was still constantly worried about, even if she was cancer free. I mean, it could come back at any time, and we were no longer near a respectable hospital in case something went wrong.

Of course, we moved to Lima for me. My parents knew that I was miserable in Carmel and so they took the opportunity to move back, claiming that they could afford one year away as long as Samantha was healthy. I wasn’t convinced. It only took a year to ruin things, a year of irregular check ups, and she could be dead. I didn’t know what I would do if I knew that moving to Lima was what really ruined things for her. I’d blame myself, definitely. Probably spend the rest of my life in some sort of suicidal depression. And that was big, considering the fact that I was a pretty intensely positive guy.

I felt really terrible about moving out here, because it felt selfish. Samantha had agreed to it happily because she wanted to do something for me, but she wasn’t happy. We’d taken her away from all of her friends and we didn’t know if she’d be very accepted here, considering she’d grown up with kids in Akron who knew her and knew about her cancer. Her baldness never scared them away. Here, though, she’d be the new kid. The new kid with a lack of hair and they might as well just stamp “cancer patient” on her forehead. We tried to buy her wigs, but she wouldn’t go for it. She was happy as she was, and while that was admirable, I was so afraid for her well being.

I was afraid that a lack of acceptance meant a drop in optimism and a drop in optimism would mean a higher risk. Hell. I was just afraid.

So I’d devoted every Saturday afternoon, for at least three hours, to Samantha. We’d always choose what we wanted to do together, but in the end I always just let her pick; she was happier that way. This week, she wanted to see Easy A, which I had tried to fight. I liked chick flicks, don’t get me wrong, but only when I was with a girlfriend who was always up for a good cuddle while watching a love story. I mean, I enjoyed them, but I didn’t feel right unless there was a cuddle involved. I tried to convince Samantha, on the sly, to go see that owl movie, but she wouldn’t go for that. And ten minutes into the movie, I already was restless.

“Sammy,” I whispered, and she furrowed her brow, looking up at me. “I’m going to go get popcorn.” She merely nodded, disinterested, and I slipped out of the movie theater, taking a look around. A light chuckle escaped my lips as the boy behind the counter gave a halfhearted response to those rather needy-looking girls, and I decided to see if he was up for a chat. I liked making friends.

I crossed the distance to the counter and leaned forward, smiling. “They were a bit young. Not bad, though, not bad.” I straightened up, then, running a hand through my hair. “You look bored. Are you bored? I’m bored.”

[Sam Evans]

"Listen/To the song here in my heart/A melody I start/But can't complete/Listen, to the sound from deep within/It's only beginning/To find release."

"Listen/I am alone at a crossroads/I'm not at home, in my own home/And I've tried and tried/To say whats on my mind/You should have known."
- - -

Sam watched the girls go. It was upsetting to him that he was incredibly attractive to the women but he couldn't catch a boy's eye to save his life. He sighed heavily. It had always been this way. Maybe he just wasn't attractive to the same sex. Odd enough considering that most gay men were attracted to football players. But, then again, he didn't have the same jock intellect and attitude. Maybe he just didn't stand out enough yet. Maybe if he was more outgoing and popular, guys would be more confident with him and try to catch his eye more.

But, then again, he was not in a place to date. Or at least, he knew he couldn't. It would cause a lot of unwanted drama. He'd probably loose a lot of respect and his parents would hate him for it. Not to mention his sister would get mad considering it would ruin her shot at popularity. And it wouldn't help him get many friends, either. But, he never really could tell. If the Glee club accepted him maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all. They all seemed really nice and accepting. After all there was a gay kid already in Glee, he'd heard. Not that Glee club would make him popular. But, popularity really didn't matter that much to him. He just wanted to be accepted, despite his sexuality.

He watched as the boy walked towards him. He'd seen this guy around school before. He was cute and seemed to be a pretty nice guy. He'd seen him hanging around Rachel a lot. He was very good at telling when people were into each other. And this boy was very much into Rachel. Although Sam didn't really understand why, he wondered if perhaps he was into her for her driven personality and confidence. Confidence was a turn on for a lot of people, he'd learned.

Of course, he never expected the guy to come up to him. But, when he did, he assumed it had to be for some sort of refreshment. Why on earth would this guy wanna talk to him anyways?

He laughed, a bit out of bitterness. He turned away for a second, wiping the counter behind him. "Yeah. They're not really my type." Or my sex, for that matter... He turned back to the guy and smiled genuinely. "Can I get you anything?"

Again, he laughed. This guy was funny. And he was bored. He liked having some entertainment while he worked. "Oh trust me, this job is just not boring in the least," he said, laughing. "What movie were you in?"

Tag: Seth
Song: Us- Regina Spektor
Notes:

[seth hall]

I laughed as the boy confirmed that those girls weren’t really his type. I smiled. “What, you mean you don’t get turned on by young girls that probably lost their virginity when they were eleven? Man, and here I thought I was the only one. Good to meet a fellow sensible man.” The kid didn’t seem like he was too terrible. I didn’t know, though, I wasn’t much of a decent judge of character. I liked everyone until they gave me a reason not to. Which, I supposed that was how it was supposed to go, but everyone always told me that I shouldn’t talk to certain people. I never listened, and I always got called a moron.

But then again, if I had listened to who people liked and didn’t like, I would have never given Emily a chance. I would have never dated her, and then she wouldn’t have been able to cheat on me. I wouldn’t have a broken heart and a reason to cry. But then I wouldn’t have had all of those great memories, either. I never would have fallen in love. And everyone was always saying that it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all -- perhaps that was applicable to this situation. I wasn’t sure. My heart and mind were so jumbled and not in sync and it was hard for me to think straight at all these days.

Here I was, criticizing girls that slept around and flirted heavily with guys when I knew that was exactly how Emily was spending her Saturday. She was probably out with Gabi, seducing men. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was getting dolled up right now to go out and sleep with someone she never knew. Why would she give me up for that? Oh, who was I kidding. I wasn’t a catch. I was just Seth. I couldn’t give her what she wanted, so she moved on. If only I could do the same.

He asked what I wanted, and I paused, looking around at the assortment of goods that I could buy to occupy me during the movie. But frankly, nothing looked that appealing. “Uhm… Some conversation?” I responded a little lamely, chuckling as I straightened up to my full height. “If you’re not the kinda guy who likes to talk to random people, just let me know and I’ll leave you alone. I’d hate to get you in trouble with your boss or something, but… I don’t know, I don’t really wanna go back in there. The movie’s okay and everything but it’s a little awkward to be watching with my sister. We’re seeing Easy A, and uh, yeah. She insisted on seeing it but I got a little uncomfortable sitting next to her during it. I should have dragged her out. Twelve is too young to be watching movies dealing with sexual matters. Or maybe I’m just being an annoyingly protective older brother, I didn’t know.”

I rubbed the back of my neck a bit awkwardly and extended a hand in the boy’s direction. “I’m Seth. Seth Hall. I’m sort of new in town, just started attending William McKinley High School. Senior. You look like you’re in High School, too. You go to McKinley?”